If you follow the ‘Pick up artist’ community and try to practice their techniques, you will know that the last thing that most of them recommend is to give someone a complement. Most of them actually tell you to do the opposite so as put yourself in a superior position to your love interest. This technique actually has a name, it’s called a NEG.
While it is definitely true that you must do everything that you can to not seem desperate to the opposite sex, the Neg technique is actually a flawed premise to the regular dater. This technique was really developed for those interested in getting casual sex while trolling night clubs. Generally at these places you will not find the best partner for long term relationships. While it is possible to meet decent people at a club, for the most part, a nightclub is loud, smelly, and usually crowded. That means that this is not the place to go to if you are looking for good dates or long term friendships. There the strong, fast sales pitch is the usual ‘modus operandi’ and even the people that go there to have fun and meet others, will have a guarded attitude.
If you are looking to date a fun, interesting person, with the possibility of developing the relationship further, I recommend that you look for this person anywhere BUT a nightclub. That being said, a compliment is actually a wonderful way to break the ice with someone interesting.
The key component of giving a compliment with the intent of getting to know someone better, is to give a sincere compliment without expecting anything in return. Now this might sound contradictory; you are actually interested in getting to know the person that you just complimented but you are trying to act like you don’t really want to meet them?
Think of it this way; you just saw or you have been keeping an eye on a very interesting person that you want to get to know and date. This person has caught your eye for one reason or another. It could be that you just saw them and you think the person is gorgeous, this is the case with most of the people that we want to meet. Or it might be someone that you have admired from afar and you find something that they do very lovely. If that is the case then you have warm feelings for that person. You like that person, you care that they are doing well and if your feeling is genuine then you hope that this person does well in the future.
If you truly like the person that you want to date, and you are not just lost in selfish lust (if you are then no worries, I just suggest that you try a nightclub), then it is the easiest thing in the world to complement this person with only the desire for their betterment in mind. With this attitude in mind, you won’t be invading someone’s personal space to tell them some silly thing, you also won’t stare at them afterwards with a little drool on the side of your face expecting some kind of reward.
The basic difference between a sincere compliment where you don’t want anything in return but their betterment, and a perhaps sincere compliment acting as if you don’t want anything while in actuality you do want something, is: LOVE.
Love gives without wanting anything in return, except perhaps the good feeling of having done something good for someone else. To give lovingly means to give without the ego; it is not an ego-tistical gift. A compliment can be a gift after all.
Now you might say that you are not in love (yet) with the person that you are interested in dating. But you don’t have to be in love with them personally. You can be in love with the idea of them, in love with the idea of loving them.
Women can also benefit greatly from the ability to complement those that they find appealing. Women tend to think that they will seem loose or forward if they complement a man that they are interested in but that is not the case if the compliment is given with the right intention. While you might find the man that you are complimenting very appealing, if you compliment him without any desire to get something in return, then this intention will become obvious to the recipient and you will actually become more mysterious and enticing.
The trick for men and women wanting to pay a compliment is to; say your compliment with genuine warmth and then to just turn away and casually continue doing what you were doing. Make sure that you make eye contact and that you give them a genuine smile while you are sending them love from your heart, then let them be, and hope that the person feels great about themselves afterwards.
You will find that some people will actually search you out to talk to you afterwards. Most won’t be that brave but they will feel more relaxed in your presence if they see you again. If it is someone that you see on a regular basis then you will find that talking to them in that future time will be much easier. Just remember to maintain that feeling of warm friendship towards them without wanting anything in return.
If this is not the beginning of a great friendship or love affair, then you can be sure that your heartfelt compliment will help that great person with the sheer power of its positive energy.
P.S. Remember that a genuine and loving smile is a great compliment.