The fact of the matter is that diets, per se, do not work. I think that this topic has been given some thought and air time but it is a truth the warrants repetition. The reason for this is that there are still many groups and individuals trying to entice others into participating in this or that diet. The latest of these involve some kind of modification in your eating habit, where you are told that you can eat as much as you want as long as you don’t eat meat, or carbohydrates, or whatever.

One of the big reasons why these diets and others are still very popular is that they offer a simple solution. A panel of supposed experts has already crunched huge amounts of data and lab time, they have come to the conclusion that this particular diet works and will cure everything from high blood pressure to cancer. The thing is that many times these authority figures are questionable. And even when they are not, they tend not to have as much honest to goodness data as they claim. You must always ask yourself how long this diet research has been going on for. Diets tend to be a very fashionable thing, so one that has been kicking around long enough to have long term data is difficult to find. The big question always becomes then; what are the long term consequences of being on this diet?

Another reason I personally think that diets are so popular is that people have a personal desire to suffer. We have all been told all our lives that, “no pain, no gain”. A person with a weight problem, looking for the miracle diet, tends to usually have self esteem issues. A vulnerable person like this tends to believe that they have to suffer to get better. Either they have to suffer for their past sins (supposedly eating too much) or must pay to become the ideal. The diet then becomes the perfect answer; here you are told that you must abstain from this or that and suffer so that you too can enter the kingdom of the fashionably thin.

The unfortunate truth though is that diets do not work. Any attempt to lose weight by controlling food intake will only create more hunger. This hunger of course is not just physiological, it is also psychological. The more that you deny yourself of something, the more that you will crave it. It’s sort of like telling you not to think of a giant pink polar bear. The more you try, that harder it gets. On top of that you have to add the body’s natural physiological need to satisfy itself and you have a killer combination that will destroy any effort to stay on said diet.

The answer then is to change a routine instead of trying to force yourself to follow a regimen. To change a routine you must start out with a positive mind set. You must first do everything that you can to stop feeling bad about your body and start being nicer to yourself. The best way to do this is to try and focus on the ideal body that you want instead of the gross body that you think you have. Tell yourself that you are beautiful and sexy, that you can do anything, and that you do not need to force yourself to do anything to get better. I suggest that you do this until you can let go of most of those feelings of low self worth. If you try, and at least begin to logically understand that you are a worthy and capable person, then I think you will have taken a great step forward.

Secondly take stock of all those foods that you like. Make a list of the things that you like to eat and the things that you eat just because you are bored; what do you really love? Also pay attention to yourself throughout the day. When do you eat? Why? Do you eat because you are hungry, bored, scared, upset? Keep track of your routine. Also make a list of all of the things that you absolutely love to do. This is your list so write down whatever you want, nothing is off limits as long as you are not hurting someone else.

When you know when you eat and why, try to find alternatives to desperate eating. Desperate eating is when you are eating not out of hunger but to satisfy some other craving. Instead of eating things that you don’t particularly like because you are bored or craving an emotional something, do something that you absolutely love to do instead. Eat more of the things that you like and that your body enjoys eating and less of the things that just satisfy your day. Your body, if you let it and pay attention to it, will naturally tell you what you need by making you crave it.

Break your old harmful eating routines by giving yourself creative alternatives to old ruts. Don’t deny yourself anything, just replace it with something even better. Truly pursue your pleasures by first overcoming your self esteem problems and then allow yourself to have the best. Focus on the ideal you and forget what you think you see in the mirror. Eat more of the things that you find awesome and do more of the things the you love to do. Diets suck, they are for people that don’t like themselves. Learn to love yourself and start by giving yourself only the best. Never eat a bag of cheap chips because you’re feeling lonely; get yourself the best sun dried potatoes that you can get and challenge yourself to smile at the next nice person that you meet. Use the list that I had you create above and replace any desperate eating with something on that list that you truly love to do. Instead of controlling your self and trying to eat less, try instead to do more of what you love and eat more of what you love also. Refine your tastes and your palate, turn your eating into art. You are awesome and only deserve the best of everything.

Learn to always challenge yourself and different ways.  The best way to always stay on your toes and therefore to always stay sharp, is to challenge yourself in new and interesting fashions.  New challenges keep our brains well exercised, and they inspire us to grow in new ways.

Challenging yourself does not mean over working yourself.  This is indeed a challenge, but not a very creative challenge.  To challenge yourself to pull on a rope is not creative, any farm horse can pull on a rope.  A creative challenge would be to try and figure out how to avoid having to pull on that rope at all.

Get creative with your challenges.  Learn to test yourself in different ways, challenge yourself to find better ways to do things that you have done before.  Challenge yourself to become more efficient, challenge yourself to become better than before.  To do this you must push yourself to think outside the box, to let go of conventions that you have lived by and to approach old problems in new ways.

Challenge yourself by breaking your old routines.  Routines are the great binders that tie us to a course of action and never let us go.  Do things that you have not done before, try those things that are unusual for you.  Change your schedules and do things at times when you usually don’t do them.  Try the unusual, and find freedom in the discovery of the new.  There is no way to discover what will happen in a crisis situation if you never try the unexpected because the crisis always involves the least expected.

By challenging yourself in different ways you will discover many things about yourself.  There is no better way to discover what you are capable of and what your weaknesses are than to always and constantly do something that tests you in a different way.  Life is a constant challenge but our routines tend to make us think that life is boring and simple.  We are also far more complex and far stronger than we imagine, through constant challenge we can discover our great strengths and find a kind of self confidence that would not be possible without our self imposed tests.

Life can become far more enjoyable if we are able to constantly challenged ourselves in new and interesting ways.  When things are boring, what we’re really saying is that this certain situation holds no new surprises for us.  This ‘surprise’ is what creates excitement and brings passion and fun into our lives.  As Henry David Thoreau said, “most live lives of quiet desperation”.  This is so because we are all trapped by the weight of our routines and the lack of attention that we give to our lives. Challenge breaks routine and therefore greatly increases the amount of attention that we are paying to things. To constantly challenge yourself is the key to becoming better in all things.

Learn to handle setbacks.  We all have occasions when we fail or when we are not able to accomplish that which we wanted to do.  Learning to handle these situations will allow us to have the energy required to try again.  Without this energy, any setback, will stop any effort that we’re making and will stop us almost as soon as we got started.

You can never plan for everything.  Life is an open system, where anything can be introduced at any time.  This means that there is no way to be able to plan for every single circumstance.  As a result, the only thing that you can do is your very best in any situation, but always understand that there will be unforeseen events that might hinder you.

When you are faced with a setback, always try and maintain a sense of humor.  Most often the best way to deal with these unforeseen circumstances and failures is to have the ability to laugh at yourself.  Try not to take yourself too seriously and laugh at what you cannot change.  We all fail and we all suck on occasion, laughing at our foibles is the only way sometimes to cure ourselves from the demon of personal doubt.

When you have a setback try and talk it out.  If you have a good friend or confidant then all the better, use this person as a sounding board to see what you did wrong and how you can improve.  You can also of just talk it out by yourself, find a quiet place where you can be alone and sound it out to see what comes to your mind.  This is a great way to discover new ideas that will allow you to take different routes and try different scenarios.  Talking about it will also allow you to clearly see where you went wrong and in this way to discover how you can do things better the next time.

When you have a setback it is also a good idea to take a break.  Distancing yourself from the problem is sometimes the best solution that you are able to offer at the time.  Take a break and clear your head, try to think of other things and relax your body.  Too much stress can build up and can cause you to feel overwhelmed by whatever problem that you are facing.  The timeout will allow you to relax and regroup your energies so that you can face whatever set back with fresh and strong energy.  Sometimes a break is all that our minds need to quickly give us a solution that can help us to win.

A good way to take a break is to have a hobby.  It is always a good idea to have an entertaining hobby that you can do to give yourself a rest from a difficult situation.  We all have certain things that we love to do, the idea is to do something that you find engaging and relaxing so that your mind can become occupied in something comforting for a while.  It does not have to be a hard thing, even a nice quiet walk can be a great hobby that allows you to have the time to regroup yourself.  You know best what you love best and what you can do as a hobby to relax yourself.  Use this hobby as a soothing ointment when life has been difficult to you.

Finally, always learn from your setbacks.  Always learn from your mistakes, for every mistake has something to teach you that will help you, so that you do not make this mistake again.  Setbacks are really course corrections that allow us to fine tune our direction.  Try not to see setbacks as being a terrible thing but as being the world’s way of putting you back on track.  Learn to handle setbacks properly and you will never fail because every setback is a learning experience.

It is very difficult to always try to be someone that you are not. People have a way of projecting their expectations on you; this can lead to a desire to be someone that you aren’t in order to please others. This is the most common and most powerful way that you become inclined to become someone that you are not.  It’s an easy rut to get into, and there are 2 major causes for this:

1)     Parents are the biggest unintentional culprits here. Parents after all are the ones that instantly become your role models when you are born. They are your first teachers, and for the most formative years in your life they are the ones that tell you all about life and what is expected of you.  This is great power and can often times lead to a type of life projection.

Parents can sometimes project on to their children ideas based on their failed goals. This is usually a well meaning desire from a parent to try and have the child accomplish something that the parent wasn’t able to do. Perhaps the parent dreamed of becoming a football star and could not so this parent projects this desire on the child and then does everything in his power to push the child in that direction.

Here you are then trying to please your parent(s). You think that you are supposed to be something that you are not because your parents told you so. Most people that find themselves in this situation can’t bear to confront their parents even though  their emotional distress over being someone that they don’t want to be is tremendous. Sometimes these parents are also quite strong of character and force a child of weaker character to follow their desires.

In order to stop this cycle of parental suffocation, you have to get clear about who you are. You must try to find time for yourself so that you can begin to discover yourself and your desires. Unfortunately this is very difficult for a younger person, even an older person, to do this since parents tend to dominate so much of the person’s life. But when you can, you must take the time to explore your being and your desires so that you discover what it is that you wish to do now and in the future.

The thing that you must do is have the courage to confront your parents also. This is usually very difficult and it is more difficult the younger that you are. But you must have the courage to do this so that you can challenge those parental opinions that have so dominated your life and begin to assert your personal self, free of their opinion.

2)     The second major cause of someone not being themselves is influence from peers. This is what is usually referred to as “peer pressure”. And while it might sound funny, it can actually be a very powerful controller of personality.

The crowd has the power of great control over the individual, this is very obvious to anyone that has ever been part of a large movement of people. If you then add credibility and respect to that mass of others, you have an incredibly powerful motivator. We tend to listen to those that we respect or care about. If they tell us that this is this and that we should do that, then we tend to obey. And it is not just friends and close acquaintances that fall into this group of motivators, the media and group trends are also telling you what to do;  If they say that being skinny and wearing hair gel is cool then that is what most people will do.

In order to find your true self, you must again make sure that you find enough time to spend all to yourself. This means that you must make time away from friends and acquaintances, away from the parties and the social events. You must make time so that you can be alone to think and contemplate your own life and your own path.

You must also find time to distance yourself from the media. This can be difficult in this time of internet, tv, radio, and all sorts of mass communication. It doesn’t mean that you have to go cold turkey and become a social hermit. What it means is that you have to balance your time so that you can spend some conscious time away from all of the social circus out there. A long walk or a quiet time by yourself on the couch is great. No music though, just you and your thoughts. This way you can begin to contemplate your ideas and desires, and begin to question anything that does not seem to be good to you.

Once you discover what you want and who you are, you have to have the courage to do your own thing. This can be a truly scary process, we are all conditioned to follow the tribe and to take our assigned role in society. We all fear loneliness, ostracism, and the slander of others. But you must have the courage to go your own way and to follow your own path.

If you can do this, you will see that life will become far more exciting. We are all in one way or another trying to be someone that we are not. This is caused by our beliefs which are almost always the expectations of others. Following your own way is a scary thing but it is also infinitely rewarding. Discover who you are and have the courage to follow your own path. To truly be an individual means that you have to stop being someone that others believe you should be, and to start being truly yourself.

Here is a simple exercise to find your personality type. This is a very good way to see if you are an introvert or an extrovert. It’s good to know what kind of personality you have because it makes it much easier for you to understand yourself. Each personality type has different needs when it comes to many facets in life. This is especially true when it comes to dealing with others and the world at large.
An extrovert wants to go out there and get his/her hands dirty. They are usually participating and often want to be seen. Extroverts have a much easier time with certain jobs and task, that usually involve a lot of human contact and dealing with the public in general. They tend, or should focus on developing their interpersonal skills and style.

Introverts like to be behind the scenes. They tend to like to fade into the background, and be part of the supporting team. Introverts prefer jobs where dealing with people is kept to a minimum and tend to focus more on jobs where technical skill is more important than interpersonal savvy. Introverts should focus on their mental and focusing abilities.

Try to answer the questions below and see whether you are a or b:

What do you feel better and more energized about;

a)    The company of other people
b)    Your own company

How would you describe yourself;

a)    Sociable and outgoing
b)    Thoughtful and purposeful

What is most important to you;

a)    Getting a reaction from other
b)    Being clear thinking

What do you hate the most;

a)    Loneliness
b)    Chaos

What do you prefer;

a)    Handling other people
b)    Achieving things

If you have checked off mostly A then you are most likely an extrovert, and if you have checked mostly B then you are an introvert.

Both personality types have their strengths and weaknesses and there isn’t one that is better than the other. There is also the possibility of change over time. We are all growing and changing as we do, make sure that you stay aware of the kind of person that you are and you follow your desires. The real important thing is that you recognize who you are, what you want to be, and try not to push yourself to do things that are uncomfortable and debilitating for you.

Never lower your standards. Many people would love to bring you down just to make themselves feel better. Don’t give others this kind of power.

The world is full of those that would judge you. You might say that we are all programmed to judge others. It is after all a survival mechanism. If you are able to judge others, you are able to predict what they will do. This is a very powerful way to be able to take charge of any situation and to be able to control the outcome. It is for this reason that we are all programmed by nature herself to try to judge others. Those that can judge others well, will know what will happen and therefore live longer. What happens though is that this proclivity for the judgment of others tends to always be on. Other people want to judge you whether they realize it or not, whether they think that it is politically correct or not. Well let them judge you, it is inevitable, just don’t let them lower your standards about things by telling you what you should do, or have.

We are also all pre-wired to try and control every situation that is presented before us. Again this is an evolutionary response where those that are successful at controlling are better at surviving. People will try and control you, people will also try and control whatever situation that you and they are in. To blame others and to hate people in general for this is really just a waste of time, we are what we are and usually for good reason. What you must do is not let others control you but not get emotionally upset about it.

People will try to get a read on you. People will also try and get you to do what they want, or to put you in a place where they are in control. The tribe is based on all focusing on the same goal. Like the Japanese say, “ the nail that sticks out, gets pounded back down.” These tribes still exist today. They are made up of family, work groups, communities, and friends. Modern tribes have now even extended themselves unto the Web where you see tribes made up of the friends that you have on Facebook and similar social media.

Many of these efforts to tell you what to do and lower your standards can be down right scary. Besides the reasons above, humans have a huge need to maintain routine. This is perhaps the most important and powerful reason for control, it actually outweighs personal survival. The reason for this is that the personal routine that these tribes and extended tribes (like cities and even countries) maintain, assures their group survival. We are no longer just talking about an individual, we are talking about the cohesion and survival of the whole.

The need to maintain the routine and therefore the beliefs of the tribe intact is what caused the great witch trials and nearly all of the wars today. There is no more dangerous a thing than to try to go against a tribes beliefs and routine. The routine maintains and supports. The belief is the source that underlies this routine.

You might think that this has nothing to do with your simple desire to maintain personal standards, or that this might not apply to you in this modern world. Well it takes very little looking to see that it is very dangerous to be openly gay, or to practice a religion (or any belief) in most parts of the world, this includes the West.

Now after I have said all that, I want you to fight to not lower your standards for anyone. Depending on where you live, this might be a very difficult thing. The simple solution is to keep you matters private as much as you can. The more others know the more they will try to control. In order to become one of a kind and to overcome the inertia of where you are, you have to keep your standards. Stay strong and don’t let others bring you down.