Always Face Your Problems
You must always face your problems. In order to overcome whatever obstacles are in your way, you must address the problem. Problems happen to all of us, and there is seldom a time in our lives when we can say that we are free of them.
While it is true that we must always face our problems, there is a difference between facing a problem and dwelling on it. When you are dwelling on the problem, you are basically reliving an old situation and re-creating every emotions and personal hardships you faced at that time. To dwell on the problem is really a negative thing to do because it really just creates more and more of the original problem. This is the case because while dwelling on the problem, you are not able to see the solution. Solutions can only be attained by seeing outside the problem and this cannot be done if all you’re doing is just concentrating on the problem and not allowing your mind to see things in a ‘broadness view’; this is required in order to see beyond this problem to the solution.
To face the problem means that you are acknowledging that something went wrong but that you are aware of the fact that you will not find a solution by focusing strictly on the problem. To face the problem properly you first need to take on an objective stance, where you see the problem or whatever negative situation might have occurred, as a spectator watching a performance and not as an actor participating in that performance. The subtle difference here lies in the fact that you must remove yourself from the situation by no longer seeing yourself as being part of the situation. In this way you can look, at whatever problem or situation, from a distance and therefore not be affected emotionally by what has occurred. With this ‘objective perspective’, you should be able to see many things that led to this problem and in this way find solutions.
Secondly you must also let yourself feel some of the emotions that this problem has caused you. The reason for this is that these emotions are not your enemy, they are really allies that will help you to investigate your inner perceptions and will help you find out exactly why this problem manifested itself in the first place. Any emotion that is explored becomes an incredible helping force that gives you the energy needed to go deeply into your conscious awareness; you can then find the reason for the problem, and intuit solutions to overcome it.
Next time that you have a negative emotion, when you are reliving an old problem, realize that this emotion is really an ally that is here to help you. A good way to use emotions to solve problems is to slowly allow yourself to experience these emotions while you are reliving the problem from an objective and somewhat detached point of view. In this way you can control how much emotion you feel and can then use these emotions as a type of fuel for your introspections. Like I have stated before; the simplest way to use these emotions is simply to just ask yourself “why?” as you experience them. This simple question will allow you to backtrack and to discover your personal beliefs in this situation. By understanding your beliefs you begin to become aware of a broader perspective and the reasons why this problem came to fruition in the first place. While reliving these emotions you might also find yourself experiencing certain flashes or insights that could give you great clues as to how to overcome this problem now and in the future.
There is no way to move forward until you face a problem. If you do not face the problem it will always be there, either haunting you or re-manifesting itself and creating new problems for you. The need to overcome a problem is paramount in moving forward in your life. If you are not able to do this you will not be able to move forward, and quite possibly, you will just segment yourself off from certain activities and thoughts because of your fear of experiencing these problems in the future.
Face your problems and gain personal strength. Once you realize that facing problems greatly increases your self-esteem, and when you realize also that any negative emotions that you might feel as you face these problems are just allies there to help you, you will find that facing problems is actually quite a positive thing. By facing problems you feel powerful and not powerless, as a result you become happier and have therefore cycled completely around, and in this way have turned a negative into a positive.
I recently got dumped and every time I think about my ex I feel a lot of pain. Could you provide an example of where you’ve observed a problem and relived emotions to overcome it?
Many people have experienced difficult breakups and I must admit that I am one of them.
I remember at the time of a difficult breakup that I was given the advice to just forget about it; throw out their stuff and move on. I remember a friend telling me that the best thing to do is just to forget about it and move on; that essentially there were more fish in the sea and that dwell on the negative would only increase my pain.
I tried very hard to do what my friend said and for a while it worked. I’m certain that that is the way that it works for many of us; depending on the strength of our concentration, we can forget about a certain thing for a while, but if it is painful enough it will eventually resurface somewhere somehow.
With me it did not resurface directly. What ended up happening was that I found it very difficult to get on with my life and to start seeing other people. This was the case because I had not faced my problem, I had just ignored it and said to myself that it was a bad situation and to dwell upon it would only create more of the same, so I moved on as best I could and tried to get back on the horse as they say.
Unfortunately what I did not know at the time was that ignoring something is really the act of making something stronger. It’s sort of like when somebody tells you not to think of a polar bear and after a little effort you find that all you keep doing is thinking about that darn polar bear. An emotional situation like a break up is of course far more difficult to ignore and the more that we try, the more that we create a small demon that gnaws away at us.
Anything that happens to us in our lives, even those that seem accidental, require personal examination. In facing our problems and bad experiences we find ways to overcome them; and even if we cannot stop certain things from happening again, we can be more prepared the next time that they do happen.
With my breakup, I ended up finding out the hard way that through this relationship or perhaps before, I had developed certain beliefs and expectations. I believe that this person was the best that I could do and even though I did my best to ignore this and everything related to this breakup, I could not ignore that little demon that kept gnawing at me making any future relationship impossible.
When I did face my problem directly and allowed those emotions that I felt to express themselves freely, I discovered that I had certain beliefs about myself that were quite negative to me personally. I believed that I was very lucky to have found the person that I had and that it would be impossible to find someone who would be better ever. As a result I acted in a certain way and expected certain things and all of these things together led to my breakup.
After facing my problems, I was able to find closure; closure that I had not experienced before because I was too busy ignoring a difficult situation that only seemed to bring me pain. Going through the pain I found release and moreover I discovered that many of the beliefs that I had were not correct and were essentially holding me back and making me miserable. Seeing these ‘negative’ beliefs clearly before me, allowed me to see just how silly most of them were and in this way to change them.
When I changed my beliefs and allowed my emotions the free rein that they required, I was able to see a new road. What I mean by this is that things seemed to open up before me, sort of like finding a path after being lost for a while. My pain and my fear soon went away after that and I was able to not only carry on with my life, I became far more successful in my future relationships!
I hope this experience helps. We are all different and I’m sure that you must find your own way but the procedures to get there can be quite similar for all of us:
Face your problems but don’t dwell on them. Allow your emotions to guide you through and help you to concentrate your mind and find the reasons why you had a problem in the first place. From there a solution to your problem will present itself either through personal illumination or from good advice from those that have been there.