Ending Trauma
We have all experienced traumatic events. These events are a natural part of life on earth. I suppose you could say that the act of walking presupposes that you will fall down every once in a while.
Some of us though, perhaps not as lucky as others, have encounter personal trauma that has left incredibly deep scars. These traumatic events, whether they are a personal loss or abuse for example, can leave scars so deep that it becomes almost impossible to carry on with our lives in the same way again.
People that are plagued by traumatic events in their past, can find that the smallest thing might bring about a full memory recall of this past hurt. Like a taped video in their minds, any number of things can cause the brain to hit play on this old recording and the victim is forced to live through his old trauma again and again, all in full spectrum color and surround sound.
What is most debilitating is that these personal events or trauma can stop a person from doing normal things; perhaps you were walking down the street at night after a party and for no apparent reason, a man attacked you. From that moment on, you find that you can’t be alone much less go for a walk at night. A person suffering from such trauma would find that they have lost all their freedom and no longer trust others in any way.
What a person in this situation needs to do is to learn as much as possible from this past event and then learn somehow to move past this disability so that he/she can once again begin to live a normal life. Much easier said than done of course but I hope that the following helps:
• Anything that has happened to you or will happen to you is not your fault and even if it was directly your fault, then it was a mistake and we all make mistakes.
• No one is perfect, we all fall down.
• There are no guaranties and what happened once might happen again but we can learn from those things in our past so that if similar things arise, we are prepared and forewarned.
To begin to understand those traumatic events that have happened to you, you need to be able to see the experience that caused your trauma in the most objective way possible. This of course can be incredibly difficult since the real power of these old traumatic memories is the intensity, fear, and pain that they provoke.
But we must understand the cause of our failures or else we are doomed to repeat these failures for the rest of our lives;
Begin by sitting or lying down in a nice quiet room where you are sure that you won’t be disturbed for a while. Close your eyes and imagine in your mind’s eye that you are seated on a nice comfortable couch in a nice living room. This place does not have to be a real place of any kind; just make it a nice cozy living room in your mind. In front of you, as you are seated in this incredibly soft couch, there is a large television and in your hand you hold the remote control to this television.
This television can broadcast anything that you want it to, but what you are going to have it project, is the old traumatic event from your past. So get comfortable and take a deep breath and when you are ready, hit the power button on the remote. The tv will instantly start broadcasting the event that you must relive. But realize that this event is happening only in this tv, you are completely detached from it and your are holding the remote so that at anytime that you choose, you can either turn off the tv, fast forward or hit pause so that the event stops instantly.
You are not in the event but you are watching yourself partaking in this event. It’s just as if someone had secretly recorded this event on a video camera and you are now watching this video.
If you think that this event, even on a television screen, which is totally detached from you becomes too much, I want you to take a real close look at the remote; on it there is a button that has the letters BW on it. If you press this button, you will notice that the movie that you are watching instantly turns into a black and white show.
Not only are you watching a detached you perform on the screen, this movie is now black and white. So in this way, continue to watch and objectively see all that happened to you. Look at the actors on the tv and try and see what it was that led them all to this event. What happened to the protagonist of the show(namely you)? what led this protagonist to this place?
Could he/she have avoided what is happening? Is there a mistake that he/she made? How could the protagonist avoid this from happening in the future? If there was nothing that the protagonist could have done to avoid his/her fate, is there a way that he/she can help others so that it never happens to those that he/she cares most for?
Keep watching the video. Hit repeat and watch it again and see if it has the same intense effect on you? If it does, then turn down the volume on the show so that you can barely hear it. If that helps but not enough, I want you to look at the remote in your hands again so that you become aware of another button on it that you had not noticed before. This button has the letter B on it. If you hit this button, you will notice that the television in front of you will actually start to move backwards. The wall behind it will actually open up and the tv will begin to move away from you so that it becomes harder and harder to see it as it gets further and further away.
If you keep hitting the B button, the television will actually go so far back that it will actually disappear from sight.
When you are done with this, open your eyes and return to your real world. Hopefully you will have learnt many things about yourself and hopefully you will be armed with ways in which you can help yourself and others so that what happened to you will never have to happen again.
If you find that you are still feeling all of the trauma and pain just like before, redo the above exercise. Return to the living room in your mind and use your remote control to remove the color, the sound and finally to move the tv back and away from you until it disappears from your site.
The more that you do this, the more that you will find that painful past events will lose their hold and power over you. I hope that this will help you to end any trauma that you might have, forever.
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John the trauma that effects me today occurred 7 yrs ago but was preceded by two other traumas of the same nature. To be succinct I managed to create an excess of energy which consolidated in and around my body. I could feel this energy as a field imbued with magnetism, power, clairvoyance,synchronicities, empathy, courage, resilience and presence, dreaming awake. I would notice that small children would gaze at me and at other times I felt the impact of other peoples envy as a dark cloud of animosity.
All 3 traumas occurred as a result of very negative/psychically violent social interactions with other people on the full moon, 2 of which were on super-full-moons. So been ‘food for the moon’ is no laughing matter for me. The first 2 were different in that I was able to regenerate this energy around me. The third was very different because I was hit in the heart/solar plexus (Throne of the yellow emperor and the yellow court – Daoism) area and the consolidation of energy there was ripped and torn asunder in a most brutal and violent manner. This last was an interaction with a shaman/sorcerer in which I took a gamble in not listening to my inner voice and dispelling some information I should have rather kept to myself. At that time I was rather reckless with my energies and did not understand the wisdom of keeping current inner project and occurrences to myself and in so doing keeping an integral field of protection around that which was still delicate as gossamer – my slowly forming dreaming body that was becoming more than a general haze of vague energies.
For me it is a fact that I at the very least am food for the moon, the moon been the mechanism in which the Archons of Destiny harvest the finer energies that I produce. I understand that I am part of a huge energy production system and that I am in debt to this system at least in part and I am willing to produce and pay my due in LOOSH as Robert Monroe calls it. The whole point of producing and consolidating an excess is to create a Kesdjan body or a Light Body which will hold my consciousness at death. In my view it is definitely not to entice these beings to rape me as it were. I call it rape because that is how it felt.
Since that time I have aged markedly, hair fallen out and sexual vitality diminished to the point where getting it up is difficult. I just can’t seem to get it together to summon my energies to revitalize myself and renew my consolidated power. I feel depleted, harvested like a lamb and all there is left is to be lead to the slaughter – yet I must persist, I must keep making efforts otherwise the is no point in living on any further. I refuse to rejoin the herd and try live a life in blissful slumber, not that this is even possible unless I become dead inside.
In one of your books you wrote the following, which I paraphrase – it seems to speak directly to my situation.
“There will come a day when Alien Intent whether directly or more than likely through another find a crack and tear it apart thereby divesting the bubble of energy. The crack will arise from cognitive dissonance that causes an emotional disturbance, which is then projected outward. ”
I understand that it is not my fault just as it is not the fault of a sheep when it is shorn by the farmer, yet somehow been prodded initiated a cascade within me which liberated my consolidated energy and it is a short-coming I have that made this possible – surely, or do I presume to much thinking I have the power to stop this harvest? I am aware of them and have seen them in different guises in my lucid dreams over the years. There is always 2 of them (Archons) and I have seen them as Apache Indians, diesel-electric locomotives and pure reptilian humanoid beings. When they appeared in this guise I had the distinct impression that I was owned by them in the same way I may own a dog – I was there ‘dog’.
I find that I still blame this shaman/sorcerer for what transpired and see him as someone in the employ of the Archons – that he or his Double were the catalyst that set my undoing in motion. Most everyone will not believe me that he is to blame on account of his guru status but I must trust my seeing, and my seeing says that he is not who he thinks or says he is. My seeing says that his penchant for doing moon gazing and seen the moon as something positive is malignancy.
As you say there is no guarantee that if I regenerate that I will not be ruthlessly harvested again, and that is a gamble I will have to take. Hopefully I can improve my skills at managing my mental and emotional body. I sure as hell will not tell anybody and will keep my silence. The times that I have disclosed thing in lucid dreams some of the figures in the dreams become exceedingly venomous and promise to severely punish me. I have always laughed at them and proceed to reveal what was hidden; so perhaps I am learning wisdom in my middle years and won’t be so dismissive of these entities.
My question is how do I proceed over old ground (all the old exercises, concepts and beliefs) to re-ignite my yearning, my belief that gazing into the eternal will generate emotive power with which to feed my gratitude?
Perhaps in doing your exercise I will be able to relive what occurred and see clairvoyantly what transpired and who was responsible for what.
Hi Anon,
Please note that I am not a health professional, you should not therefore rely on this information as a substitute for, nor should it replace professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
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Let me start by saying that; it is sometimes very difficult to realize just how grateful we must be of all of those enemies and struggles that beseech us in our lifetime.
What an odd sentence that…a most difficult concept to transpose into words. The first aspect of which can be summed up by Nietzsche’s famous statement, “What does not kill me makes me stronger”, and can be most succinctly, I believe, conceptualizes as Nietzsche saying that; those individuals that have “turned out well” can sometimes be recognized by an aptitude for using bad accidents to their own advantage.
I do believe that in that instance with the sorcerer, you have done just that. And while the amount of suffering that you have had to endure should not have to be a prerequisite for such powerful and quick energetic growth, I have found never the less that such growth is most often quite painful, especially when it happens quickly.
You have experienced, and seem to still be going through a most difficult stage of growth sometimes referred to as the long night of the soul, or as I like to call it (in reference to Roberts Anton Wilson who used this term) Chapel Perilous. While we are in the middle of this journey (Chapel Perilous) and as we try to extricate ourselves out of this ‘Weird’, we most often find such circumstance very painful, draining, scary, bothersome, suffocating, and perhaps even wearisome. BUT once you do eventually find yourself on the other side of this dark voyage, you will celebrate. I celebrate your achievement thus far and I congratulate you!
You are experiencing in your life what few ever will, and the discoveries that you make and are making will be the foundation for your future work; whether this work involves deeper personal journeys or helping others in a direct or indirect ways.
But that is not the end of it because it is not enough to just endure. We must also overcome our obstacles; we must beat them so that they may never pose a real threat to us again.
To do this we need to develop new armaments that must then become part of our inherent make up. In the book, Overcoming the Archon Through Alchemy, I try to provide this new armament. And I know, by reading your comment that you already know, either consciously or unconsciously, what you have to do to gain back your lost energy.
And that is, to relive those moments, either systematically by setting up a time each day and meditating on them or by just engaging them when they pop into your mind throughout your day.
During these moments, you must not just sit back and berate yourself for what you think you may or may not have done, but what you need to do is to actively ‘re-absorb’ the energy expended in that past time.
Use therefore the IN Polarity techniques to re-absorb any emotion that you feel when you close your eyes and relieve these past situations in your mind’s eye; just like I tell people to absorb their personal negative emotions when they feel them (specifically see chapter 4 of the book–Energy Absorption Technique–). I cover this process more concisely perhaps in my book Vampire’s Way to Psychic Self-Defense (not sure if you have that one? but not needed if you have the Archon one). Simply what you need to do is to look back in your mind and re-absorb ALL EMOTION that you feel when you remember back to all these situations.
Any emotion that you feel; absorb it. Any tension, discomfort, fear, hate, pain, negative energy from others, etc.; absorb it all. Transmute this energy, make it yours through the predatory stance I mention in that book also, until you have taken back and transmuted all energy involved in that situation.
Do this over and over again (sorry but depending on the trauma and expenditure of energy involved this could take years), until you no longer feel any tension or emotion while reviewing these memories. If you get flashbacks after you feel that you had absorbed all lost energy, take this as a sign that you may need to re-re-absorb energy again. Keep doing this over and over until all of this becomes energetically neutral to you.
In this way you will gain (slowly but surely) your energy back.
In dealing with these archonic figures, use these same techniques (again this is something I mention most clearly in the Vampire book) to deal with them.
If they suck (that is take) from you, then you beat them by staying emotionally detached and taking (that is sucking) from them with even greater power.
Don’t worry, don’t give up. They may have a head start because this is all they know but we are men and we were born to fight and to overcome; they don’t stand a chance when we truly realize who and what we are or can be.
Also, as you work on this, I would suggest that you take up some fun hobby to get out of your own head, and use this as a way to replenish your energies. Believe me I know too well how depleting too much self-reflection can be. I personally love walks with good friends, anything to get me to socialize a little and see things through fresh eyes and new perspectives. Even little things like that will do wonders for your energy level.
Finally when you are energetically stronger, you may even wish to thank this sorcerer and all involved (no need to see them just say what you need to say out loud in a quiet place when no one is around). This may be a difficult thing to contemplate but what a wonderful gift all tyrants are really; they are the things of the world that allows us to become more; they are our great challenge. And the minute that you can thank these beings, and mean it, will be that minute that you will truly begin to put all this business in your past.
Thank you John for your thoughtful and candid response.
In fact I do know all about recapitulation and the sweeping breath and applied with your technique of the In polarity, through which you have given me more understanding, I can do this in a systematic way. Thanks John.
A man must always get back up, dust himself off and dare to begin all over again. I am sure I can gain a even more tempered Warriors Spirit.
As I don’t know anybody I can talk to about these matters it has been really good to write to you. I don’t need much human interaction so when it does happen it is ‘good’.
It was really nice to talk to you as well 🙂