Improve Yourself and Find Peace
Sometimes, when we feel the full weight of all our insecurities and doubt, a little internal dialog starts that goes something like, “I wish I was somebody else.” More often than not, we think and believe that someone or rather, most people, are better than us… The reality of course is that most people are as insecure and scared as we are.
We are in a constant state of over and underestimating those that we meet as we make our way through life. If you are overconfident then you underestimate those that you meet and most likely critic everything that they do. But if you are feeling lost and the in the throes of self doubt then everyone that you meet seems to be perfect and content while you are the biggest loser on the planet.
Weather its the beautiful girl that we see across the room or the successful young man that drives past us in his cool new car. Our self image is always measuring itself against others and most often it is telling us that we are second best. If you could read the thoughts of others, you would find that their internal dialog is full of the same self recrimination and doubt that fills our heads and heart.
Do not judge yourself and you will find that you will lose the need to judge others. We are ALL filled with the same doubt and fear, so give other people a break. There is nothing better to improve your self image then to be able to distance yourself from it. Try to see your self in the bigger picture. So that you are not looking at the world from the inside out but you are looking at your being from the outside in. The best way to do this is to imagine that you are an author that is writing a novel on the story of you. The author, that is the new you, writes, “Bob is entering the room, he feels nervous about himself and has always had a complex about his large nose”. You are no longer Bob but the person looking down on Bob.
This new perspective will open your eyes to a new reality of being. ‘Life through the third person’ as I like to call it is the cure for all self doubt and fear. It will open your being and hopefully help you to become more empathic and aware. When ever you can’t handle it anymore or you think that you are about to go postal from all the stress; do a little ‘life in the third person’.
I have a friend who never gets tired of talking. And in most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she has to say. So all of our other friends tend to avoid her immediate circle whenever she’s around, and she doesn’t notice how she is effecting others negatively. The moral is that you must learn to be more self aware so that you know what needs change.
One key to self improvement is to LISTEN and TALK to those that would give you honest criticism. Find someone who you can comfortably open up to, someone that you can talk about anything. Ask your confidant questions like “do you think I have bad manners?”, “Do I argue too much?”, “Do I talk too loud?”, “Does my breath smell?”, “Do I ever bore you?”. Once the other person stops laughing and poking fun at your obviously silly questions, and if you persist, they will realize that you are serious and if they are worthy of being your confidant, then they will give you some of the best advise of your life. Listen, and shut your yap for a while, to what your friend has to say, do not counter their comments, no matter how silly they might seem to you, with something like “Don’t exaggerate! That’s just the way I am!” Open up your mind, and heart . And in return, you may want to help your friend with constructive criticism that will also help her/him improve.
Unless someone asks you directly, do not go around telling people how they can improve themselves. Make yourself an example of personal contentment and self refinement and let others learn from you from example only.
Don’t ever think that you are less then someone else. Learn to love yourself truly. Stop that internal dialog that berates you. Stop that annoying voice at the onset of its nasty comments. Love yourself, heck adore yourself if you can and if it all gets to be too much and the voice seems to be winning then take a break from it all and do life from the third person for a while.
You can hold the belief that we all suck or that we are all perfect but the one thing that you must do is to stop comparing yourself to others. I personally think that all beings are amazing and I am just one more of those amazing little monsters living and breathing on this fantastic planet we call earth. Happiness comes from self acceptance, so accept yourself and learn to find true happiness.