Stop Negative Self-Talk Now!
One of the biggest concerns that you might have about negativity is that you might believe that it is completely out of your control. That these negative thoughts and impulses might seem to come at random times and happen for no good reason. You might believe that you are helpless and powerless, that you cannot change the tide of this debilitating energy.
This is not the case. You can find out why you are having these negative thoughts. It is possible for anyone to find the source of this negative self-talk and overcome it. I was able to get rid of a of most of the useless negativity that I experience by using the technique below, this is a continuing process and a life work for all of us. What is required is that you question these negative thoughts and find out the source of their energy. This source is usually a negative belief about the state of things in your life or in life in general.
A good way to be able to question these negative thoughts, is to close your eyes and wait for the first negative impulse or thought that you have. If you are having trouble getting in touch with the negative self-talk, contemplate an area of your life that you are not happy with. Contemplate your monetary situation if you are having troubles in this area, or your relationships if you are having trouble finding a compatible mate. Contemplating in this way should get the negative self-talk juices flowing.
I like using this method because it allows you to question this negative self-talk on your own time and under your control. Otherwise the only other method possible is too wait and be vigilant throughout the day so that you can catch yourself in the middle of these negative thoughts and question them then. This can be difficult because this kind of personal questioning requires time and focus which you might not have at your disposal when you are engaged in taking care of your daily affairs. I suggest that you find a quiet place when you have plenty of time and question your negative self- talk then.
So to do this, in this quiet place, close your eyes and wait for a negative thought as you contemplate a difficult area of your life. It’s weird but by trying to encourage this negativity, you will make it actually more difficult for this negativity to show itself. Indeed this is actually a good way for you to close off this negative self-talk when you need to; the more that you want it to happen, the less it is likely to happen, it is sort of like reversed ‘Murphy’s law’.
When you do have these negative thoughts then, identify them as best you can. It is a good idea to keep track of how you are feeling; if you feel sad, angry or depressed, it is quite likely that you are engaging in negative self-talk. Stop your train of thought for a moment and try and determine the exact nature and the syntax of this negative self-talk. For example it is possible that you might say something like, “I hate…” , “I’m scared of…” “This sucks”, or “I can’t…”. Try and be a specific as possible in identifying what this negativity is all about. If for example you hate something, what do you hate specifically. If you feel a negative emotion when you contemplate something, try to find out what exactly is creating that negative emotion; Identify the underlying cause of your negativity.
When you have done this, ask yourself “why?”. Basically determine why you hate whatever you hate or why this sucks, why you fear what you fear or why you think you can’t do something. The answer might be obvious or then again it might not. What you wish to know is basically why you believe that this or that sucks, so that you can clarify this feeling as much as possible. The funny thing about beginning to question these beliefs is that it will seem at first like the answers are quite obvious. “ Life sucks because there are jerks everywhere!” ”Duh!” It is terribly important that you realize right there that this is a belief that you hold, it is NOT fact. You make it fact by believing it and not questioning it.
The next step is just to keep asking yourself ‘why?’. For example you could ask yourself, “Why do I believe that this sucks?”. Doing this you follow a line of progression where you first identify this negative belief, clarify it, and then pursue its logic. This way you are able to see if there is good reason and truthful cause for what you are feeling and believing. The idea then is to continue with this process of asking ‘why’ until you are completely clear about your belief on this subject.
Your beliefs will indeed surprise you when to begin to study them. The truly surprising part about them is that they seem so utterly obvious. That is, most people would tell you that this sucks for example because it, well sucks! If you are an average person then your logic agrees with the logic of most of people around you. So in big issues you will most likely not like something because it is illogical to you to like it and it is illogical for most of the people around you to like it as well. For example you might think that it sucks to wait in line for something, and you might think that it is quite obvious that everyone should hate to wait in line as well, but this is a belief, and a generally accepted one for the most part. But, believe it or not, there are some fringe personalities out there that really like waiting in line, which means that they have a different belief about this activity which you would not share, if you hate waiting in line.
All beliefs can be questioned because all truth is just unquestioned belief. Just because everyone else believes that it is true, it does not mean that it is true. It might mean that most people accept this belief now, but it can also mean that all those people have not questioned their beliefs and therefore just accept this belief without question. Just because something is true for everyone, it does not mean that it has to be true for you. Most external perception, perhaps all, is a result of what you let yourself believe; it has taken me a lifetime of work to realize this. Once you can understand the authenticity of this yourself, you can begin to truly change any negativity that you do not like in your life. You can also finally begin to create your own personal reality.
Once this identification is complete you can decide whether you wish to keep this belief or whether you wish to change it. It is quite possible that this negative belief, which causes these negative feelings and self-talk, has a just purpose. It is also possible that these feelings and therefore beliefs are based on faulty logic or past situations which have now changed. It is up to you to decide if this is the case, and then it is up to you to change it if you believe you need to. Negativity is not negative, as many would like you to believe. Any kind of negativity is just a type of warning that is letting you know that you are not happy with a situation and that you should take some kind of action to change it. Negativity, when it is understood for what it is, is a powerful tool that can be as constructive for your personal self as positivity. While it might not be a good idea to walk around in a negative and depressed state all the time, it is far better for you to express these feelings and emotions when you have them than to try and suppress them and replace them with forced and artificial. Without negativity there is no positivity, each balances the other out and is the impetus that cycles the other around an eddy that is but one facet of your personality.
To change this belief, that is causing negativity from you in one way or another, you need to remind yourself that this belief is faulty. Faulty not because negativity is wrong per se but because it is an emotion and a perspective that you do not want to experience any more. You need to remember the self-reflection that you did and that with this self-reflection you discovered that this belief is not working for you at this time.
Changing a belief requires you to understand logically that it was a belief on your part that was causing any negativity. You must then realize that this belief is not truth but that it is only a belief that you hold at this moment. After personal contemplation you must discover for yourself that this belief is no longer applicable for one reason or another in your life. With these personal realization’s, it becomes very easy for you to insert a belief that is far more constructive and that will stop any negativity in the future around this situation. For example instead of saying, “life sucks”, you could tell yourself , “I believe that I have potential and that I can do whatever I truly focus myself to doing “.
Every time that you find yourself thinking that life sucks, tell yourself that you believe that you have potential and that you can do whatever you focus your mind on. Tell yourself in a very conscious manner that you no longer believe that you are in a dead-end place, that this old belief is a belief that you no longer hold. That you now believe that you have great potential if you just let yourself focus on what you want. In this way you change your life consciously by facing the beliefs that are causing any negativity and replacing these with ones that are more constructive for you personally. Changing a belief in this way will allow you to see possibilities that you could not see before and it will give you the confidence to try new things.
With the ‘life sucks’ scenario I used a small example that I think you might be able to follow, one that I have felt myself in the past; the feeling of a lot of negative emotion because you think that life sucks, but that these feelings are just the end results of a belief that you are in a dead-end place and that you are not going anywhere. There are so many variables and there’s so much difference between you, me and anyone else that you see, that personal causes for negativity can be endless. Follow your own beliefs by asking yourself ‘why?’ and learn to question the nuances of your own personality and your own personal belief systems. Use these points that I mentioned in this article as a guide to try and create a happier and more rewarding life for yourself. We are all different, it is up to you to decide in which direction you want to go. You can overcome any negativity, if you want to, when you want to, for your own reason. It’s an easy process, far easier and far more rewarding then reading about it:
- Find a quiet place.
- Contemplate any negative thought or emotion. Induced these negative thoughts or emotions if you have to buy contemplating an area in your life where you are having difficulty.
- Identify and clarify these negative thoughts or feelings. Get as specific as possible, identify exactly what the negative thought is.
- Ask yourself “why?”. Ask yourself why you think what you are thinking. Discover the underlying belief behind these negative thoughts.
- If you wish to change a belief; tell yourself that this is just the belief, that you can change it.
- Once you identify the negative belief, find a replacement belief that you feel will be far more constructive for you.
- Every time that you experience negative thoughts and feelings along these lines, tell yourself that you no longer believe____________, that you now believe_______________.
P.S. There are times when this negativity can come from the exterior world. That is there are times when the negativity is not coming from us but it’s actually coming from those around us. If you are interested in more ways to change your belief and how to discover what are external negative influences, then I suggest you check out the following article: How to stop negative energy permanently