Any kind of self improvement involves change. Change can be a very difficult thing for the individual because it means a totally new perspective or lifestyle; anything new can be quite scary. If this change is difficult for the individual who is often times wholly dedicated to changing, imagine how difficult this change must be for the people around you.
One of the biggest setbacks whenever we are trying to make any kind of personal self improvement, is the disapproval that we can sometimes experience from the people around us. It is sometimes the case that this negative feedback from the people around you can be caused by jealousy. Sometimes when others see you doing well in your goals, it can be very unsettling for them which can cause them to lash out at you.
This is definitely not something that is often discussed in self-improvement articles and other materials. It can be difficult to admit that often times the most difficult thing in achieving your goals is overcoming the negative angst from others. Whenever you make a goal and begin a major re-modification of some aspect of your life, you must be prepared to deal with the negative energy from others.
Sometimes this negativity can take on the form of a lack of any kind of positive reinforcement. Usually the first thing that a person notices when they start to make a deep change their lives, is that those around you tend to get very silent. This silence stems from a desire to not provide approval as a result of the other person feeling threatened by your good effort. Sometimes it is even the case that actual negative remarks are made which can be very damaging when you are expecting moral support and positive energy from those that you consider allies. Indeed it has been noted for example that one of the greatest hindrances to sobriety can be the family members or friends of the person who is trying to make a positive change away from a life of dependency*.
It must be realized though that this jealousy is very seldom evil intent. Generally what is going on here is that people are being forced into a change of routine and this change can cause huge amounts of anxiety for them. We are all bound by our routines and we hate anything or anyone that breaks these routines that we hold so dear. Routines create comfort because they allow us to participate in a cycle of activity that can be easily controlled. This control stems from the fact that we know exactly what we are doing now and what will happen in the future. This kind of comfort is most satisfying and is indeed a pleasurable thing, but when a person creates a change in their life there is a ripple effect that can affect all the people around them.
When you create a goal for yourself and are very successful in the changes that you wish to make, you end up affecting those people around you by breaking certain routines that they’ve held dear, that provide great comfort for them.
- If for example you have a friend that you always went out for a smoke with and all of a sudden you are no longer there because you have decided to give up smoking, you create a routine break for that friend and this causes anxiety for him or her.
- If you set a goal to become more financially successful at something and begin to see positive gains, then all your friends and family will see this as a change and therefore a break in their personal routine. If you could do it then why can’t they? Shouldn’t they be trying as hard as you? They used to believe that life was so and so and all of a sudden you brought a big change in their lives; one which usually instigates a forced introspection in themselves.
- If you begin to practice a change in how you think about things, for example trying to practice the law of attraction in your everyday life, and you begin to have a more positive attitude, people can see this as a negative in their own lives. Again this is not evil intent, it is just that you broke another person’s routine; life was so and so and then all the sudden you came along and changed it. While you might find it quite negative that others are trying to destroy your positive outlook, you must try to see it as just that other person’s only way to cope with the change in routine that they now face.
This website is dedicated to giving you ideas and methods to improve many situations in your life. I hope that you use some of these methods and that they work for you, but I must let you know that these methods can cause some grief. This grief comes from the negativity that you might experience from the people around you. This negativity is not caused because these people have evil intent towards you but it is caused because as a successful person, as a person that has successfully implemented a self improving change, you are also the cause for change towards all those that are a part of your life. As you change, you change the way others perceive you and therefore perceive themselves and the world around them. You possibly change the way others relate to you and therefore create a routine break that can be quite discomforting.
When you begin any kind of self-improvement goal, be prepared to handle this negativity at first. It is just a change in routine which others will have to deal with. As one routine dies, another begins and once you overcome this initial negativity from others you will begin to see that this new routine that you are creating will create its own momentum and help you maintain the change that you fought so hard to make. By understanding that the negativity from others is just another little hurdle in your self-improvement, you will be prepared for this and hopefully will have the strength to overcome it.
The most interesting aspect of all this is that once a new routine begins, as the people around you begin to perceive you in a new way, this new routine will be an ally that will help you maintain the change that you have made. If you start falling back on your old ways, it will be those people around you that will help you maintain your new change by pointing out any discrepancy in the new routine that they have become accustomed to.