Self-Improvement and Interesting Knowledge

There are many of us that have felt at some point in our lives, that things just do not make sense.

But for a few these feelings of somehow not being able to fit in among ‘normal’ people, persists, and no matter what they do to try to figure out a different way, a way to make the rational perspectives of the world fit in to the strangeness that they perceive out there, they cannot.

For such people it is sort of like there is this knowledge, this set of forgotten memories perhaps, just around the corner, just around that next bend, just out of reach somehow; like some all too obvious secret that they cannot fully grasp. Such people may search their entire lives for a place to fit in, they may search high and low for some kind of group, some sect, somebody somewhere, that might allow them to feel like they have finally come home, and they finally fit in.

Such feelings can be incredibly strong, and they can persist for a lifetime. Some might even say that they may feel that this knowledge and this tribe of like-minded people is calling to them somehow, like they must search for it, give up everything to find it, and as such they may travel a long way looking for such people, looking for such answers. If only they could reach this group, or at the very least identify that world or those people that they feel that they belong with, then perhaps a few of those questions might finally have answers.

For someone that feels this inner angst, it is sort of like they just do not fit in the world, like they just cannot think and see the kinds of things that the world is telling them that they are supposed to think and supposed to see. After a while, this continuous effort to try to fit in gets harder and harder, and due to that constant exertion to just seem normal to the average world and ignore that nagging intuition, you may find yourself feeling that you are truly alone, and everything that you legitimately feel is just personal delusion.

Well, I can tell you that you are not alone, I can tell you that there are many who are waking up to those intuitions, and many more that have been born feeling those intuitions. I refer to this inner angst and this feeling of being sort of like an alien in an alien world, as the calling.

These are the feelings and intuitions of those that can just about see around the corner, but not quite. It is a feeling that happens to anyone that has a feeling that there is more to things than what the world at large is telling you. But you have to be careful with these feelings because they can be used against you, making you believe that you belong somewhere and then using that to try to manipulate you.

Inner alchemists believe that this is indeed a calling, an angst deep within you that is calling for you to look further, to explore those feelings further. But our current of inner alchemy says that you should not look to some group to try and tell you what these feelings are, but that you should find these answers for yourself, in yourself. You are right, if you feel that there are very few people that are willing to even acknowledge this sense of being something more, something different. And just acknowledging this takes a lot of courage, and the desire to seek takes even more courage.

An inner alchemist is someone who has this calling, who has felt this constant ache for a long time or perhaps since the day that they were born, and they are someone who then does something about it. But not something that the world expects, not some material thing that the world expects you to do. They do not engage in some kind of material rebellion, where they think that they must somehow change the entire world in order to suit them, and then go about engaging in purely material things, rational things, things of the average world, that same average world that they do not seem to be a part of. Instead, they engage in inner action. They do not become joiners but instead work on their individual selves as individuals, being that this is the only way to truly know yourself.

They do not engage in outer action but instead practice inner doing, inner action, that can in time change the totality of who they are and open up freedom and vistas beyond all material and rational conception. You might say that the inner alchemist is playing multi-dimensional chess in the theatre of infinity, while everybody else is playing checkers in an actual physical board as they fight with tooth and claw, stick and stone, for each tiny jump in their flat and constricted world.

If you have felt that angst then you may be experiencing that intuitive calling to go beyond the average rational world yourself, and that is truly a special thing. Inner alchemy says that now you have to be careful, that you have to look for certain keys in order to find different doors, into different dimensions that lead into odd angles that will reveal some of the truth to you.

To find those keys they say that you need to be independent, an individual, that you need to know technique, that you need to explore those techniques and see what works for you, and then as that calling expands into better and better inner doing, you can then take your place amongst those that have the courage to face that inner angst, and are willing to put in the amount of focus time needed to know the truth and then keep going further and further. This is the road that leads to freedom, certainty, and that feeling that you have finally found your place.

So, what you need to do is not a material thing, in the sense that it is not something that the world might say you have to do, like go on some quest to some unknown land of gurus, join some kind of group, or do a thousand push-ups every night. Instead, what you need to do is focus, focus into that odd place that you feel, explore, explore the difference you feel. And once there trust yourself, trust your individuality, your inner feeling sense, and then go further.

The inner alchemist’s point of view is that instead of seeking to have someone reveal the truth to you, that instead you as an individual seek for ways to find that truth yourself. And that this truth will not be found out there somewhere, it will not be found in some distant land somewhere out there in the physical world per se, but that it will be found when you are able to discover new ways to look deeply within yourself.

As such, inner alchemists seek technique instead of dogma. And to that end you may wish to use any of the many techniques that intuitively call to you as being worth your time and effort. Do not seek some master, but instead learn technique, and in this time of great revelation, there are many sources that can provide both supposed answers and those techniques that are the truly important thing.

That dogma might be helpful, some of those supposed answers might be helpful, in that they can give you a little bit of a rudder to help you know the general direction that suits you best, that seems to somehow resonate with aspects of yourself. But if those answers do not come with the techniques needed for you to find the validity of them yourself, then seek elsewhere. Your final goal should always be to be able to directly see, to directly perceive, those supposed truths yourself.

If you are interested in some of the supposed truths, and most importantly the techniques that inner alchemy uses, then I recommend the book, The Magnum Opus. In this book there is a little bit of dogma thrown in in order for you to find a rudder, and to see if the way of inner alchemy truly does resonate with what that inner angst has been telling you your whole life. But of greatest importance, is the fact that in this book you will find many techniques to be able to navigate through this sometimes tempestuous world, and you will also find techniques and methodologies that will allow you as an individual, without the need to rely on anyone else, to find your own truths, your own individual answers and the way of your individual being.


  1. Hey John, great article as always. But, I comment here not to necessarily ask about it. About a week or so ago, I left a comment under the “How to Create a Servitor to Do Your Bidding” article. This comment addresses some questions about servitors that I find crucial to my going forward, and the answers to the questions can only really come from someone with lots of experience. Now I don’t mean for this to be a ‘give me attention’ comment that demands you answer my questions. I just recently saw you mention in another article comment section that you have been having issues with comments recently, and if there has been an issue with the comment system that has prevented my questions from going through, then I totally understand that and am fine with reposting them elsewhere if need be. Like the type of person mentioned in this article, I’d just like to get to the bottom of this.
    Kind Regards,

    1. is your question and my answer there now?
      If not, sorry about that my site is going through some revision. Please do ask again, and if I can answer your question I will do so.

  2. Hello john, hope you’ve been good. First of all i must give my apologies, I only recently saw your reply to my comment as i had honestly given up on you replying (if you can still remember me hehe)

    Anyway, thank you very much for your answers. It is very generous of you to freely answer others’ questions like this.

    In relation to this article, i again don’t have much to say.
    For me, it is true that i’ve never really felt like i fit in anywhere. But that’s probably just because of my inability to do so rather than something deeper like this.
    I do feel like this now, but that’s also probably just my hope.

    Anyways, i have some more questions if you don’t mind, and also i have to mention this, i have read your every book except The Way of the Death Defier and Book of Remembering. So if you have mentioned anything relating to my questions and i have missed or haven’t read them, then i apologize in advance.

    Here we go:

    1_ Is it possible that, by practicing certain practices and traditions, a person might become unable to practice the way you teach alchemy and become unable to reach it’s end goal? Should it be as a result of Energetic or Mental changes or any other things.

    2_ What do you think of The Magical Passes in Carlos Castaneda’s books?

    3_ Do you have any book recommendations for a person to work on their mental state?
    To be honest i don’t think my mental state is very stable. I feel heavily weighed down by all the garbage that is inside my mind, like i’ve been carrying a useless load on my head for years.

    4_ How sensitive can someone get to others’ intents and thoughts? For example can someone advanced enough feel it if someone imagines or thinks something about them?

    Well that’s all i can remember now. I can’t remember anymore for the life of me…

    But anyways. Thank you in advance.

    And about you and i having possibly met before, well, i sure hope that did not happen. At this point time, as i am now, it would be quite embarrassing to meet someone who could probably read me like an open book…possibly even easier.

    But yeah, sure hope we meet one day.
    Have a good day and see you later.

    1. I will try to answer your questions as best I can:
      1. I am not sure if I understand correctly, but like anything else, there is the possibility that inner alchemy becomes beyond someone. But this has to do not so much because it is impossible for that person to do something per se, but because they have erected walls around themselves, that prevent them from seeing or being able to believe that something is possible. Such belief structures can be so powerful that they can indeed block in the same way that a wall can block something.
      2. I am not too familiar with these, but if they have the possibility of moving energy in the same way that, Chi gong or Tai Chi, then these can have a positive effect. In the book ‘The Magnum Opus’, I describe the kind of energy work that is needed for inner alchemy. If these passes help in this regard, then in my opinion they are positive.
      3. What might help is the book, The Way of Chuang Tzu, but only the translation by Thomas Merton.
      4. Yes certainly. In time and with enough sobriety and mental balance, you might say that any time that you think about someone, you can be assured that there is a link there, that they are somehow in some way thinking about you.

      I hope this helps!

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