You Are Not Alone; The Calling
There are many of us that have felt at some point in our lives, that things just do not make sense.
But for a few these feelings of somehow not being able to fit in among ‘normal’ people, persists, and no matter what they do to try to figure out a different way, a way to make the rational perspectives of the world fit in to the strangeness that they perceive out there, they cannot.
For such people it is sort of like there is this knowledge, this set of forgotten memories perhaps, just around the corner, just around that next bend, just out of reach somehow; like some all too obvious secret that they cannot fully grasp. Such people may search their entire lives for a place to fit in, they may search high and low for some kind of group, some sect, somebody somewhere, that might allow them to feel like they have finally come home, and they finally fit in.
Such feelings can be incredibly strong, and they can persist for a lifetime. Some might even say that they may feel that this knowledge and this tribe of like-minded people is calling to them somehow, like they must search for it, give up everything to find it, and as such they may travel a long way looking for such people, looking for such answers. If only they could reach this group, or at the very least identify that world or those people that they feel that they belong with, then perhaps a few of those questions might finally have answers.
For someone that feels this inner angst, it is sort of like they just do not fit in the world, like they just cannot think and see the kinds of things that the world is telling them that they are supposed to think and supposed to see. After a while, this continuous effort to try to fit in gets harder and harder, and due to that constant exertion to just seem normal to the average world and ignore that nagging intuition, you may find yourself feeling that you are truly alone, and everything that you legitimately feel is just personal delusion.
Well, I can tell you that you are not alone, I can tell you that there are many who are waking up to those intuitions, and many more that have been born feeling those intuitions. I refer to this inner angst and this feeling of being sort of like an alien in an alien world, as the calling.
These are the feelings and intuitions of those that can just about see around the corner, but not quite. It is a feeling that happens to anyone that has a feeling that there is more to things than what the world at large is telling you. But you have to be careful with these feelings because they can be used against you, making you believe that you belong somewhere and then using that to try to manipulate you.
Inner alchemists believe that this is indeed a calling, an angst deep within you that is calling for you to look further, to explore those feelings further. But our current of inner alchemy says that you should not look to some group to try and tell you what these feelings are, but that you should find these answers for yourself, in yourself. You are right, if you feel that there are very few people that are willing to even acknowledge this sense of being something more, something different. And just acknowledging this takes a lot of courage, and the desire to seek takes even more courage.
An inner alchemist is someone who has this calling, who has felt this constant ache for a long time or perhaps since the day that they were born, and they are someone who then does something about it. But not something that the world expects, not some material thing that the world expects you to do. They do not engage in some kind of material rebellion, where they think that they must somehow change the entire world in order to suit them, and then go about engaging in purely material things, rational things, things of the average world, that same average world that they do not seem to be a part of. Instead, they engage in inner action. They do not become joiners but instead work on their individual selves as individuals, being that this is the only way to truly know yourself.
They do not engage in outer action but instead practice inner doing, inner action, that can in time change the totality of who they are and open up freedom and vistas beyond all material and rational conception. You might say that the inner alchemist is playing multi-dimensional chess in the theatre of infinity, while everybody else is playing checkers in an actual physical board as they fight with tooth and claw, stick and stone, for each tiny jump in their flat and constricted world.
If you have felt that angst then you may be experiencing that intuitive calling to go beyond the average rational world yourself, and that is truly a special thing. Inner alchemy says that now you have to be careful, that you have to look for certain keys in order to find different doors, into different dimensions that lead into odd angles that will reveal some of the truth to you.
To find those keys they say that you need to be independent, an individual, that you need to know technique, that you need to explore those techniques and see what works for you, and then as that calling expands into better and better inner doing, you can then take your place amongst those that have the courage to face that inner angst, and are willing to put in the amount of focus time needed to know the truth and then keep going further and further. This is the road that leads to freedom, certainty, and that feeling that you have finally found your place.
So, what you need to do is not a material thing, in the sense that it is not something that the world might say you have to do, like go on some quest to some unknown land of gurus, join some kind of group, or do a thousand push-ups every night. Instead, what you need to do is focus, focus into that odd place that you feel, explore, explore the difference you feel. And once there trust yourself, trust your individuality, your inner feeling sense, and then go further.
The inner alchemist’s point of view is that instead of seeking to have someone reveal the truth to you, that instead you as an individual seek for ways to find that truth yourself. And that this truth will not be found out there somewhere, it will not be found in some distant land somewhere out there in the physical world per se, but that it will be found when you are able to discover new ways to look deeply within yourself.
As such, inner alchemists seek technique instead of dogma. And to that end you may wish to use any of the many techniques that intuitively call to you as being worth your time and effort. Do not seek some master, but instead learn technique, and in this time of great revelation, there are many sources that can provide both supposed answers and those techniques that are the truly important thing.
That dogma might be helpful, some of those supposed answers might be helpful, in that they can give you a little bit of a rudder to help you know the general direction that suits you best, that seems to somehow resonate with aspects of yourself. But if those answers do not come with the techniques needed for you to find the validity of them yourself, then seek elsewhere. Your final goal should always be to be able to directly see, to directly perceive, those supposed truths yourself.
If you are interested in some of the supposed truths, and most importantly the techniques that inner alchemy uses, then I recommend the book, The Magnum Opus. In this book there is a little bit of dogma thrown in in order for you to find a rudder, and to see if the way of inner alchemy truly does resonate with what that inner angst has been telling you your whole life. But of greatest importance, is the fact that in this book you will find many techniques to be able to navigate through this sometimes tempestuous world, and you will also find techniques and methodologies that will allow you as an individual, without the need to rely on anyone else, to find your own truths, your own individual answers and the way of your individual being.