You must never forget that you are the most important person in your life. Some, especially parents, would disagree with this statement but the fact of the matter remains that if you do not treat yourself well or consider your own needs first, you might not be around long enough to take care of those that you really care for. Since you are at this moment looking out at the world from within yourself, using your senses in an outward fashion, you could really say that you are at the center of the universe. As such you could say that you are the be-all and end-all of your entire universe, and that even though you might think that there are other things outside of you that are more important to you, the world then begins from your own inner being outward.

Never lose yourself loving through the loving of another. Great love and passions can sometimes completely take over our actions and we end up losing our own self identity as a result. This kind of ‘self annihilating love’ can seem quite satisfying at the time but it can have very negative consequences. To lose yourself in this way means that you believe that the other person or thing is far more important than you and that to give up your total being to this other, perhaps even your life, is worth it. You must realize though that there is nothing more important than your personal self, and that true love is expressed in a balanced way where love of the other and love of the self work in tandem. There is no real love of others without the love of self, anything expressed without the love of self is really a nihilistic drive that eventually destroys the lover and the loved.

Not making yourself second best means respecting your feelings. Never suppress your feelings but always try to express them as fully as you can. While this does not mean that you should impose your feelings upon others, it does mean that you should allow yourself to feel your feelings fully in the privacy of your own being. These feelings can let you know when you are not loving yourself enough by perhaps having you experience selfishness or anger. These feelings are not negative, they are just letting you know that you need more time on yourself and that you also need to take care of yourself and your own needs. Express your feelings and get to know your feelings, get to know what they mean and use them to discover your true self.

Honoring yourself means honoring your passions. We are all given only a certain amount of time in this life and wasting it doing things that you do not want to do or what others think you should do, is a waste of your personal life. Never make yourself second best, always follow your passions because they are yours and they are the desires you have. Cultivate your personal hobbies and always make sure to take enough time for yourself; to just think and contemplate your own life. By taking time for yourself you will discover your own thoughts and with these will discover yourself.

Treat yourself to something nice at least once a day. Stand in front of a mirror, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love myself”. Some people might find this to be incredibly difficult, if this is the case then you must ask yourself why this is so. It is possible that you could have been told by others, perhaps parental figures, that this is a bold and vain way to act. If others told you this then they did not truly understand what personal expression really means. This little exercise can have incredible benefits; both at being able to identify the beliefs that are creating low self-esteem within you, and as a way to begin to increase your self-esteem and your personal identity by having you face those feelings. When you love yourself you only wish the best for yourself, and as a result you stop sabotaging your life through negative thoughts and emotions. When you love yourself you can love others truly, without nihilistic dependence on the other.

As a leader you must be perfectly clear about the fact that you have to tell other people what to do. Leadership basically means that you set the course; this means that you are the one that says where you and your team will go and what you and your team will do to get there. Since you are the head of a group, team, or organization, you are the one in charge of giving orders and making sure that others do as you say.

Good leaders never command through fear. Any leader that believes that he can control and command others through fear will have a very short career. Fear only creates antagonism and resistance, and leading this way is very draining. I leader that tries to get others to do things through fear and angst, will only create a self-defeating atmosphere that has no possibility of accomplishing anything but self implosion.

A good leader always commands through motivation. He begins by creating trust and letting those below him know that while he is the leader he is not better than them. He then motivates them through passion and internal desire to accomplish whatever the leader needs to be done. In this way his unit develops cohesion and a type of internal fortitude that allows his team to withstand any obstacle. It also gives his people the motivation to always give 100% in whatever they do.

In order to lead your team through motivation, you must find out what drives them. You must have enough awareness to find their likes and dislikes. A good leader must involve himself or herself in his teammates so that he or she knows exactly what to do to get them to perform at their best.

A good way to find your teams motivation is to ask them:

What part of the work you like?

What are your values? What beliefs are important in your life?

It is very important that is leader understands his people. Each individual belief, value, and opinion is important and will set the standard for the dynamic of any group environment. Each individual must be treated with respect and in accordance to his or her wishes. The leader must make compromises and must know where he can push in order to make sure that all is done in the best way possible.

Perfect leadership is like no leadership at all. What this means is that the perfect leader seems to not actually lead, here she just naturally opens the way and lets her people perform in their natural manner. This type of leadership requires incredible intuition and the ability to place your team just right so that they accomplish what needs to be done through their own internal desires and motivation. If you can manage to lead your people through the correct motivation, you will develop an incredibly loyal team that will do anything you ask of them.

Great leaders always pay great attention to the people that they are dealing with. Every interaction no matter how small or large requires full focus and attention. Leaders do not take things for granted, they realized that the only way to win is to never overestimate or underestimate either the situation or the people before you. Every interaction then is a kind of battle, where full attention must be given.

By concentrating fully on the other person, leaders are able to correctly assess what the other person needs. By identifying these needs, a  leader is able to figure out exactly what is needed in order to either win in a situation, or how to get others to do what they want. While leaders have a natural propensity to see situations in a martial sense, where tasks must be attacked and overcome, they must also realize that the best way to deal with any situation is to come up with a win-win scenario. In order to do this leaders must be able to create a cooperative environment instead of environments where ‘dog eat dog’ is the norm.

By being empathic about the needs of others, I leader is able to create trust. You cannot fake this kind of trust and it is only manifest when you are truly concerned with the needs of those around you. In this way the leader is able to create a band or a tribe of trusted followers that are willing to work harder and to put more on the line in order to accomplish what he or she desires.

A good  leader must be able to show the people below him that they are far more important than the project at hand. He must make it apparent to his followers that they are the driving force that can accomplish the required task, and that without them there is only failure. This kind of impassioned rhetoric cannot be made without a true understanding and belief that the team is important and invaluable. And this understanding is not possible without the leader’s ability to focus on his people and on their needs. I leader that is not able to focus on other people will not have the kind of understanding and flexibility that is required to create passion and cohesion in his followers.

In order to become more empathic as a leader, challenge yourself to pay more attention to the needs of others. Challenge yourself by asking yourself what the other person needs in every situation that you face. Always try to put yourself in the shoes of the other person, and try to imaginatively contemplate what the other person is feeling. I leader must be able to expand his or her consciousness, so that he or she can see things in a broad perspective, and in this way discover new insights that will allow them to succeed where others have failed.

By paying great attention to others, leaders show their compassion. While some would tell you that compassion from leader is a negative thing, the reality is that people will not follow leaders that do not show humanity. In the leader, compassion is seen as the great strength because it takes great strength and conscious ability to be able to realize the needs of everyone and everything when you are in a high position. Many believe that it is difficult for a leader to look down and around them as leadership is usually identified with an aggressive need to look forward and to push ahead. Any leader therefore that is able to find enough compassion to see and understand those around them, is seen as being far more capable than the average.

Being a leader means being empathic. It means taking the time to feel out what those around you need. It also means having the empathic ability to see into every situation and to be able to register exactly what is needed in order to win. This capability is rare and it is highly prized because leaders that are able to do this are able to create new possibilities and to get others to do things that they would not normally do. Learn to focus on the other and you too can become this kind of leader; the leader that is prized and is in high demand.

A good leader needs to simplify the message. It is most important that as a leader you are understood perfectly, and that you make your message as clear as possible. You will not be able to get others to do what you want and unless your messages is simple and clearly stated. Others will also not pay attention to you if your message is hard to follow and difficult to understand.

Influence is most important to a leader. The most important precept of influence is the ability to capture attention. If you cannot hold the attention of others then it is impossible to manipulate that attention. If a message is boring, because it is too long and too hard to understand, you will not have the kind of attention that you need in order to persuade well. To be a great leader you need to be a master persuader and a master persuader needs to have a strong clear and simple message that will be easily understood by those that need to hear it.

People seem to have far less time now than ever. If you find yourself in front of a meeting or engaging a client, they will be far more receptive to you if you are able to show them that you understand their time constraints. You do this by simplifying your message and showing them in this way that you appreciate their time enough to make what you have to say simple and to the point. If you ever find that your clients are taking time to look at their watches or seem to not be looking away a lot, it is to your great interest to take whatever message you are giving and simplify it even more. Make your message simple and to the point and others will stay engaged to what you have to say, and will dedicate more time to process it.

Part of simplifying the message means making that message interesting. If your message is interesting then it will capture the attention of those that are hearing it. This interest creates a natural desire to want to examine your message and to give it more mental time. You can make your message more interesting by making it quick and fast, you can change up your pitch and tone, and you can articulate your ideas using colorful metaphors. A great way to make your message more interesting is to use the power of reframe; you do this by adding unexpected ideas, points, and personal thoughts. The reframe is really the ability to create and ‘AHA’ moment in the listeners mind. A reframe is really just like a joke; it completely changes how one was perceiving a certain idea. (A cow walks into a bar and says, “Hey, bartender.”)

Simplifying the message means that you want to leave your audience at a high point. Whether you’re giving a speech, addressing clients, or talking to your employees, you want to have a quick and fast message and leave the listener at a point of high energy. Make it quick, fast, and intense therefore. Leave them wanting more and you will be appreciated as a great speaker and commander. If they do have questions, then they can talk to you afterwards and this is a great way to have one-on-one time with those individuals that matter most.

If you can simplify your message and make it exciting, you will greatly improve the kind of persuasive ability that you have. Great leaders need to pursue power, and by simplifying the message, you gain persuasive power. Simplify the message and you will become a powerful and charismatic leader.

In order to be a leader, you must act like a leader. It is possible that you could find yourself in the position of leadership, but you truly will not be a leader until you begin to act like one. Leadership is a difficult and challenging role and must be given great consideration or else you will fail.

It is possible that you are now a leader because you own business or you have been assigned a task by your superiors. If this is the case, it is most important that you consider deeply how it is that a leader should act, if you do not it is quite possible that you will not be able to accomplish your goals. Not acting correctly as a leader can have dire consequences; you could fail and perhaps totally kill a project, ‘monkeywrench’ your career, and even thwart your business.

In order to become a good leader and therefore act like good leader, think of these characteristics has your guide:

• Think that you can positively shape your life. Leaders must have confidence in themselves and in their abilities, they must believe that they have the power and the skill to create a positive life for themselves. A leader must know first and foremost that he can change his life for the better before he tries to involve himself in the life of others.
• Leader lead through good dealings instead of trying to control. This means that a leader must be empathic, and his relations with others must be based on his or her deep understanding of the other person. Control is always a sign of fear and is therefore a sign of weakness. Others will challenge this weakness.
• Leaders cooperate instead of trying to overpower. Making people do anything is a negative practice and one that will not last very long before someone standups up to challenge your authority. Leaders lead by creating passion and camaraderie, instead of trying to belittle and overcome.
• Leaders motivate others to contribute instead of ordering them to. By realizing that the people in your team are your resource and must be used in the best way possible, a leader soon realizes that the best way to get the best from his people is by positive motivation. If you order someone to do something then you will at best get the minimum from them, but if you motivate them in the right way they will give you the best that they have. If you can’t positively motivate others to contribute and give you their best, then whatever task you are trying to accomplish is destined to fail.
• Leaders get others to follow them through respect. If you try to get others to do something because you think that you are entitled, as a leader, then you are truly not a leader you are just a spoiled brat. In order to have others follow you, you must set yourself up as he example that others will look up to. Leaders must get others to like them or at least respect them by showing their team that they are worth this respect.

Good leadership takes talent and personal training on your part. It can be given to you or thrust upon you but it does not mean that you are actually a leader; it just means that you are put there through circumstance. To become a good leader you must learn to act like a leader, if you do not then you will fail and whatever task that you were performing will fail. Learn to act like a leader and you will not fail yourself and others.

If you are constantly dealing with people, or if you find that you are having difficulty dealing with others, it is a very good idea for you to develop your charisma. Natural charisma is a talent that some people have in dealing with others, it helps them to be liked and to usually get what they want with little resistance. Those that do have natural charisma are lucky, but you can also develop charisma on your own with a little effort on your part. Putting in a little effort to develop your charisma can help you any time that you have to deal with others, and since we’re constantly dealing with others, unless you are living somewhere alone in a cave, it will always be to your benefit to work on your charisma.

In order to understand charisma, and develop it, it is best to think of charisma as a way of looking at people and the world. Most people have a very confrontational attitude, they tend to see the world as an ‘us versus them’ situation. This creates a natural barrier that others can see, and therefore begin to treat you as an opponent. In order to develop charisma, it is most important that you get over this attitude of us versus them, and begin to see that this is only a belief that you have which is accurate sometimes and sometimes it is not.

Many people tend to engage with others in a confrontational attitude. This is the case because they naturally go into a ‘fight or flight’ state where their adrenal glands kick in and they are literally ready to fight or to run away. If you find yourself doing this then I suggest that you practice relaxing your body, and start realizing that most people are not out to hurt you. Often people developed this fight or flight response because they have been hurt in the past and they expect to be hurt by others in the future. In order to get yourself out of this trap you need to start monitoring yourself to see when you go into a fight or flight response. Control yourself by first relaxing your body, and if you have the time, by examining your beliefs about what you feel will happen in this situation.

It will take some effort at the start, and perhaps a whole lot of self examination. You will find though that it will definitely be a good thing and if you stick to it you will see that in a short while you will be able to overcome this fight or flight reflex.

The first and most powerful step then in creating natural charisma is the ability to see others as allies instead of as enemies. Try to develop an ‘us’ mentality, so that you see certain tasks as a group cooperation instead of as everyone for themselves. Think of yourself as a friend to others, and always try to find a win-win situation, so that both internally and externally you are sending out the vibe that you are trying to cooperate and not trying to overcome.

There is great charisma projected when you are friendly, and you truly want to know about others. If you show others that you are interested in them and that you wish to know about their lives and the reasons why they’re doing whatever they are doing, you will see that others will respond to you favorably. People need to know that you think of them as more than just objects on your way to getting whatever you want. You need to tell them, both through your body language and the way that you feel, that you think that they are important individuals that will be getting your full respect.

The charismatic never seem to judge others. Whether you are talking to your grandmother or a supermodel, you need to act the same. Now this does not mean that you need to engage others with a monotone tonality and without emotion; what it means is that, while still being your natural self, in another way you show your ability to see the fact that the person before you is a human being. This human being should be given the time to be recognized and given the time to allow him or her to show you their individuality.

If you are having trouble with this concept or if you are having trouble emotionally, I would once again recommend that you examine your beliefs. This way you will able to see what beliefs you are having about people that do not allow you to see them as aequals. We all have certain prejudices that can cloud our judgment and make us think that others are not worthy of our attention or our respect. I am not telling you what you should think or believe but what I am telling you is that it is a good idea to at least examine these beliefs, that way you can make the conscious decision about how you’re feeling and acting at any moment.

Charisma is developed by the attention that you give to others. It is developed through the idea that people are worthy of your attention, and it is made apparent by how others perceive your intentions. People have a natural knack for knowing when someone does not like them so I suggest that you do not try to put on a face, but that you truly begin to examine and change how you deal with others. If you learn to develop your charisma, you will see that the world will become a far easier place to live in and that your ability to get things done will increase manifold.

Persuasion is an incredibly powerful ability.  It is the ability to be able to get others to do what you want them to do.  Or to be more specific; it is the conscious act of getting someone to do what you want them to do.

Through persuasion you are able to get others to focus on you exclusively.  You can focus their attention so that you become the center of their world.  This attention can be conscious or unconscious, the difference being that the person that you are trying to persuade is either aware or unaware that you are now controlling the focus of their minds.  When you have this total attention, you are able to change their beliefs and emotions so that they act differently from what was expected.  The more attention that you can get from someone, the easier it becomes to change their minds.

Persuasion is the interaction between you and other people.  It involves words, gestures, and body language.  These are all used in conjunction in order to tell an enticing story.  This communicative effort allows you to refocus the other person’s mind on to thoughts and ideas of your choosing.  You become a magician of sorts that weaves a spell which allows your audience to see and feel what you are saying.

Any kind of communication is a kind of persuasion.  Any communication is the act of having ‘the other’ completely understand what you are trying to express.  To do this you must therefore be able to get the other to see and feel what you want them to, using metaphor and grand gestures in order to express yourself in the best way possible.  The real difference between persuasion and regular communication is that with persuasion you are consciously trying to get a certain response from the other.

There are many techniques and abilities that can be learnt in order to become a better persuader.  The fundamental principle though is the ability to be an incredibly good storyteller.  Your ability to grab someone’s attention and to have them completely experience what you are saying involves the ability to captivate others through the magic of your words and gestures.  This is definitely a skill that can be improved.  It is a skill that requires attention and effort because it is so important in our daily interaction with others.

You might try to develop your own ‘persuasion play’; this is a planned act that you design yourself, using proven techniques, to persuade others to do something that you want.  It is essentially a technique that you develop and keep for when you need to persuade someone else.  You can use any number of procedures like body language, voice pitch, eye contact, and metaphor to try and deliver and impactful message that will be able to persuade another person to your way of thinking.

Persuasion then is a natural action that we all do everyday, but there is a difference between our conscious doing of it and what we all do naturally. True persuasion is a conscious act with a definitive objective. True persuasion can be improved and perfected so that it becomes a powerful tool in your arsenal. This type of true persuasion, is the key to interpersonal relations and therefore the most important skill to develop for all of us. Become a master of persuasion and the world is your oyster.

Always learn the rules of every game.  Every game has certain rules, and it’s very important that you learn then before you start to play.

Learning the rules starts by learning what you are playing for.  In every game there has to be an objective, and this objective needs to be learned before you waste any energy and time. This objective is very important because it will show you which way you have to go and give you a clue as to how hard the competition will be.  Knowing the objective will also allow you to focus your energy better because you will know that goal of the game.

Knowing the rules we’ll also allow you to see how far you can go.  This is important because you don’t want to be disqualified from playing the game because of some small technicality.  It is also important because it allows you to see any gaps that others might have missed and in this way you can exploit any favor that you might have.

If others know the rules of the game but you do not, then there is a big chance that they will win and you will lose.  It is also quite possible that they will try to take advantage of you because you don’t know what you are doing.  It is therefore imperative that you know as much, and better yet, more than all your competitors.  If you do not put in that time and effort to learn these rules then you can be sure that others we’ll easily beat you.  It is a mistake to think that you can jump in and take charge just by following your intuition, natural talent will not make up for forward thinking when you are engaged in a complex and difficult game.

Take the time to know every nuance of the game.  This is what separates the masters from the losers.  Only by deeply saturating your mind with all the ins and outs, are you capable of coming up with the kind of strategy that will assure your success.  Even when the game’s rules seem too complex, it is better to at least try to learn them so as to get a basic understanding, then to go in completely blind.  The effort that you take learning the rules before you take action will always be to your advantage.

An often overlooked point of knowing the rules of the game well, is the amount of self confidence that you will develop.  Meeting the gaming field with great self confidence, not self delusion, is an incredible advantage.  A positive and strong attitude will favor a winning attitude.  When the battle is close and it is being decided by small points, a confident attitude is usually the deciding factor.

Remember then to always know the rules of any game that you must play.  This game might be played because it is imposed upon you, or because it is something you desire to do.  What ever the case, games must be played to win, or else they are truly a waste of time and effort.  There is no better way to assure your success and your joy in playing any game then to know how to play this game properly.  Learn the rules before you play and you will most likely be a winner, and perhaps a master, instead of a loser.

There is no need to explain yourself to others. The time that you waste trying to explain yourself and your motives to others can be better spent focusing on your desired outcome. I have mentioned before that there is a natural need in other people to control situations and things, it is therefore expected that others will feel that you have to explain yourself to them.

Don’t let others intimidate you into having to explain yourself to them. Since most of us grew up with parents or parental like figures, we tend to find it normal to have to explain ourselves and our motives to superiors. This is a good thing when you are a child and you require someone to take care of you and show you the ways of life. There is a point though when this kind of supervision is no longer required. If you are an adult then you must realize emotionally that you do not need supervision anymore. This is actually a difficult thing for many of us to accept emotionally. Even though we can understand this intellectually, emotionally we still have the need to express our reasons.

The lower your self esteem, the more that you will feel that you have to tell others what you are doing. You must work on how you feel about yourself then until you realize that you are a free adult and you are beholden to no one. When you have the need to explain yourself away, stop and ask yourself why you believe (or feel) this. Logically think about your current situation and discover for yourself whether or not the person before you needs an explanation of your activities. There are times, like when you are in a job, or certain circumstances, like when you are doing something for someone else, when you need to explain yourself. But if you use a logical and objective mind, you will see that there are also many times when there is no need for you to explain yourself.

Why is it important that you realize that you don’t need to tell others about your actions and your reason? It is because most people will try and influence your activities and motives. Most have very good intentions and they are trying to help you out. Unfortunately this help is seldom needed or appreciated. You can’t learn anything by having others control your actions, you need to learn by doing things on your own and the greatest gift that anyone can give you is the gift of freedom to try. Well intentioned or not, most people have not realized such conclusions so it is up to you to stop their well intentioned meddling.

Silence is a golden friend here. You must try and develop the discipline necessary not to tell everyone about your doings. This is the simplest and best way to get others to stop telling you what to do. To do this you have to get over the perceived obligation to explain yourself. Stay focused on your desired outcome and let others be. If you do run across someone that needs to give you advise, take it if you think the person has something positive to share but remember to develop laser like focus so that you are not deviated from your goal(s).

Keep a positive attitude and learn to realize that you are important enough to have the freedom to pursue your own path, whatever that might be.  This life is your life to succeed or fail in. Failure is not a bad thing as long as you personally learnt or experienced something that you needed. Stop believing that you need to explain yourself to others, and remember to have a strong focus and a strong personal attitude so that you are not deviated from your desires.

Your physiology is an incredible indicator of your mental state. It is possible that you have read or heard something about the incredible correlation between your body and your mind. If you watch shows like “the mentalists” or “Lie to me”, you will see the protagonist do amazing things just by watching and manipulating body language.

It is nearly impossible to separate body action and reaction from mental focus. When you are depressed for example, you hunch over, look down, and tend to frown. When you are happy and excited, you tend to look up, arch your back, and smile. Most emotional states tend to have some kind of physiological variant where you are usually assuming this or that body language. It is even possible for some experts to be able to clue in on whether you are lying or being truthful and even on specific  thought patterns.

While most body action can be controlled, to a varying degree, depending on how experienced you are at controlling yourself, there are some physiological reactions that no one is said to be able to control. The most powerful of these is the ‘microexpression’. This is an expression that your face performs so quickly that it is impossible to stop. Some say that some microexpressions actually happen before you are conscious that you are having a certain thought. For example you could have a micro expression of fright before you are even conscious that you are frightened.

What I want to share with you here is something that is a little more down to earth and something that could really help you to control your self and others. Since Physiology is so powerful at indicating mental and emotional states, it was also discovered that changing posture could also CHANGE mental and emotional states. This is actually great because it gives us a barometer that we can use to read hidden subjective experiences and to control our reactions in general.

One of the most powerful and easiest to use physiological indicator is your posture. This is the position of a person’s body when he /she is standing or sitting. You can use your posture as a way to discover your feelings at the moment and to control your mind in that moment also.  To do this, begin to pay attention to your posture as you go about your day.

If you:

• Are leaning forward or in the direction of the person you are engaged in addressing, then you are taking the lead in that situation. It’s possible that you are excited and are intent on making your point. Others are usually aware of this physiological posture and it may cause them to be provoked or overwhelmed. When you are leaning forward you are aggressive and taking charge.
• Are leaning back in general or away from the person that you are talking to, then you are most likely being overwhelmed yourself. It’s possible that you are feeling self conscious or scared. When others see you lean back, they often take it as assign of weakness or that you are not interested in what they have to say.
• Are perfectly centered, not leaning forward or backwards, you are most likely relaxed and feeling un –emotional. A centered position like this usually indicates a balanced mental state and a secure and un-affected confidence. Some people exhibiting this kind of body language could even be lost in reverie, not even present in the current situation, completely involved in a personal daydream. Others see this stance (whether you are sitting or standing), and they feel that you are in control of yourself and balanced. They tend to see individuals showing this body language as being fare, leaders, and mature.

Next time that you find yourself in a social situation, pay attention to how you are standing or sitting. You will discover a lot about your feelings by paying attention to your physiology. And if you feel that you might want to go from feeling one way to feeling another, then change this physiology. You will be amazed how you can control any conversation and your feelings by just paying attention and controlling your body language.